I am going to write this whether anyone will ever read it or not. I need to keep writing. Period.
The idea of
anxiety. To me anxiety does not mean
depression. Does one have to relate to the other? Here we go, I just Googled anxiety:
A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
I have lived 47 years of life without medications. I have suffered, like many, loss on every level, discomfort, witnessing the abuse of my Mother followed by her complete & utter mental demise, a pathological demented father who should be behind bars, all the wrong men in my extended dating career, a potentially dyslexic child who I struggle with day to day in teaching, infertility/4 miscarriages, a surround sound of alcoholism & addictions, a cluttered mind & home, being a caretaker to the above mentioned Mother [she will move back in with us this coming Monday after a long hospitalization with weeks of physical & mental rehabilitation], a husband who has been unemployed for very close to 2 years this March and most of all the desire to create on any level which has been put on a back-burner due to my overwhelming load of life.
I have come to one & only one option as to move along in life in hopes of straightening it all out:
meds. I have come to peace in knowing I will visit my nurse practitioner tomorrow morning first thing to ask with intent to take:
anxiety medications. I have inquired before, coming home with samples which I have stared out for weeks on end before tossing them, the meds, into the trash bin.
I am hoping there is some safe, gentle medication that I can take for anxiety to ease my way through the next couple of months. I want something that will help me achieve a grace in handling what life has set before me.
Grace is my key word. Prior to now I have not handled my life & all of its complications with
grace. Can medication provide this state of being for me? I am hoping with my entire being that a tiny pill can provide me with a state of grace in tackling just the next 6 months of my life. I will do a follow-up to what I decide to take, or perhaps what is recommended by my NP to help this new level of anxiety that I am residing with. I know it will still be there but as with many other issues, I want to drop off the anxiety on the back-burner of life and move forward with a calm, peaceful approach to the nonsense, drama, trauma & mayhem of what has become my little piece of the world. Medications to follow.
