I am going to write this whether anyone will ever read it or not. I need to keep writing. Period.
The idea of
anxiety. To me anxiety does not mean
depression. Does one have to relate to the other? Here we go, I just Googled anxiety:
A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
I have lived 47 years of life without medications. I have suffered, like many, loss on every level, discomfort, witnessing the abuse of my Mother followed by her complete & utter mental demise, a pathological demented father who should be behind bars, all the wrong men in my extended dating career, a potentially dyslexic child who I struggle with day to day in teaching, infertility/4 miscarriages, a surround sound of alcoholism & addictions, a cluttered mind & home, being a caretaker to the above mentioned Mother [she will move back in with us this coming Monday after a long hospitalization with weeks of physical & mental rehabilitation], a husband who has been unemployed for very close to 2 years this March and most of all the desire to create on any level which has been put on a back-burner due to my overwhelming load of life.
I have come to one & only one option as to move along in life in hopes of straightening it all out:
meds. I have come to peace in knowing I will visit my nurse practitioner tomorrow morning first thing to ask with intent to take:
anxiety medications. I have inquired before, coming home with samples which I have stared out for weeks on end before tossing them, the meds, into the trash bin.
I am hoping there is some safe, gentle medication that I can take for anxiety to ease my way through the next couple of months. I want something that will help me achieve a grace in handling what life has set before me.
Grace is my key word. Prior to now I have not handled my life & all of its complications with
grace. Can medication provide this state of being for me? I am hoping with my entire being that a tiny pill can provide me with a state of grace in tackling just the next 6 months of my life. I will do a follow-up to what I decide to take, or perhaps what is recommended by my NP to help this new level of anxiety that I am residing with. I know it will still be there but as with many other issues, I want to drop off the anxiety on the back-burner of life and move forward with a calm, peaceful approach to the nonsense, drama, trauma & mayhem of what has become my little piece of the world. Medications to follow.
2 comments:
I've just read this, I deal with anxiety too... my opinion is that you shouldn't take the pills. Try to determine what makes you anxious. Maybe identify those areas and tackle them. This is what I'm trying to do and I've come a long way. Also, maybe read up on vitamins like Niacin, B-Complex, etc.
You are not alone....I am also a mother of 2. One child being on the spectrum (autistic). Sometimes my heart feels like it will punch a hole in my chest. ....
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